


Starving

by Ilovecastiel18



Category: Broadchurch
Genre: Angst, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Men Crying, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:27:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29471685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ilovecastiel18/pseuds/Ilovecastiel18
Summary: Ellie tries to comfort Hardy after Ricky Gillespie is arrested, only for him to flinch when she touches him. She finds out that he is extremely touch-starved. She tries to help him. Hurt/comfort, angst, friendship. One-Shot.
Relationships: Alec Hardy & Ellie Miller
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	Starving

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t even know, you guys. It’s sad girl hours, and I have been really craving a hug from my high school principal (not in a creepy way, he helped me through being suicidal and basically saved my life, and, since I graduated back in 2018, I’ve only seen him once, briefly, since the pandemic started), so I’m going to project onto poor Hardy. If you like the story, please consider leaving a kind review, those always help motivate me to keep writing!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own these characters, locations, storylines, or anything else from the show Broadchurch. If I did, I would not be sitting around writing fanfiction, and I certainly wouldn’t have such a strong desire to meet David Tennant, because I already would have.

……….

Starving

……….

Hardy sat back heavily in his chair in the interrogation room, scrubbing a hand down his face. He had just gotten a confession out of Ricky Gillespie about how he helped cover up his daughter’s death, and he was having a hard time coping with it.

Ricky had just been escorted from the room in handcuffs, leaving Hardy alone with his thoughts. He leaned forward and planted his elbows on the hard metal table, burying his face in his hands.

It was so hard for him to think about Ricky being involved in the deaths. He had done everything he could to capture the murderers for that man. He had put himself in Ricky’s place, thinking of Pippa like she was his own daughter. He had literally broken his heart trying to solve it, broken up his marriage, and almost drowned trying to save that little girl’s life. And the whole time, Ricky had been involved.

Hardy sighed heavily, forcing his tears back. he felt like it was his fault that the situation had gotten so out of control. If he had known Tess had been sleeping around, if he hadn’t let his horror at the situation cloud his judgement…

He sniffed, running his hands through his sandy hair. He heard someone open the door of the interrogation room and forced his tears back into his ducts. Whoever it was didn’t need to see him like this.

Then the worst thing happened: a hand dropped onto his shoulder, and he flinched away violently. It had been so long since someone had given him a comforting touch…

“Sir, what’s going on?” Hardy wilted when he heard Ellie’s voice behind him. Of course it was the one person who he actually cared about in this town, and of course she had found him nearly crying and tried to comfort him, only for him to flinch away.

“Nothing, Miller. I’m fine.” He sniffed.

“You don’t seem fine, sir. I know this case was one of the hardest things you have ever had to do. It’s alright to be upset by the outcome.” Ellie sat down in the chair next to him, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees. She had a concerned look on her face.

“Maybe you’re right. Still, it’s nothing you have to worry about.” Hardy answered, making sure his voice didn’t crack from sheer force of will.

Ellie reached forward and tried to grip his hand, but the minute her skin came into contact with his, he flinched again. Even though he had seen the touch coming, he had flinched. There was no getting out of this now.

“Are you sure you’re alright, sir? You keep flinching.” Ellie asked quietly, pulling her hand back from Hardy. He cursed himself. He had wanted to hold her hand, had wanted to feel some sort of comfort while he was going through this awful time, but his damn _body_ wasn’t giving him a break!

He struggled with whether he should tell her the truth or make up some sort of lie. He settled for the truth, or at least a bit of it.

“It’s not the case that’s making me flinch, Miller. It’s just been so long since someone has touched me like that, trying to comfort me… I know it sounds stupid, but most of the time, when someone touches me it’s to hurt me. My brain is trying to protect me, I think, even though I know that you won’t hurt me. I’m sorry.” Hardy muttered, scrubbing his hands up his face and through his hair, which was already standing up on its ends.

“You’re touch-starved?” Ellie asked quietly. Hardy could see her fighting the urge to reach out to him.

“I guess so.” Hardy answered, even quieter. He wasn’t sure if he should tell her more of the truth. He trusted her, more than he had trusted anyone in a long time, but did he really want her to know why he reacted so violently to being touched? “Um, I think there might be a little more to it, though. My dad used to hit me a lot when I was a kid. He… well he beat me. Often. And when I was married to Tess… she used to hit me. She didn’t beat me or anything, but she would slap me a lot. I’ve always been an angry guy, but I always tried not to yell at her for anything. It didn’t matter. Now, whenever someone touches me, I think my body remembers the feeling of getting slapped and tries to avoid the pain.” Hardy said all of this facing the wall instead of Ellie. He looked down at the table.

Ellie was quiet for a long time. Finally, her voice tight, she spoke softly. “Can I take your hand?” Hardy felt his heart swell at the kindness and softness in her voice. He felt a lump form in his throat, and nodded his head quickly, still not looking at her.

Ellie reached forward cautiously, grazing his hand with hers before turning his over and holding onto it loosely. He didn’t flinch.

“I’m so sorry, Hardy.” From the corner of his eye, Hardy could see Ellie struggling not to reach out and hug him. He wanted, needed, her to hug him tightly, but he wasn’t sure how his body would react after so long without any sort of physical comfort.

“I’ll be alright, Ellie.” He muttered. He turned to her, tightening his grip on her hand. “Thank you for being my friend. It’s been a long time since I’ve had one of those.”

Elie reached up with her free hand, as if to cup his cheek, but pulled away at the last second. In a moment of bravery, Hardy reached out with his own free hand and captured hers, bringing it up to his face. He pressed her hand to his cheek and gave her a watery smile.

“I’ll try to help you through this, Hardy, just like you have been helping me through everything with Joe. I promise.” She brushed her thumb across his cheekbone, catching a falling tear.

Hardy choked out his next words past the lump in his throat. “Thank you.”

……….

It had been months since Hardy and Ellie’s conversation in the interrogation room. There were currently at the courthouse, waiting for a jury to come back with a verdict for Ricky Gillespie. Ellie and Hardy were sitting next to each other, their hands clasped together.

Ever since their conversation, Ellie had taken to giving comforting touches to Hardy whenever she could, trying to break through his body’s natural reactions to being touched. They had taken to holding hands whenever one of them needed the other to be there, which meant that Ellie had cautiously taken Hardy’s hand when they sat down, and he hadn’t pulled away.

The jury came back in after a few moments of them sitting there, announcing a guilty verdict. Hardy bit back a strangled cry, pressing his hand against his mouth. Ellie knew that he had been practically praying for a guilty verdict ever since the trial had started. She was so happy for him.

They stood and left the courthouse, walking toward Ellie’s car. Hardy paused near the boot, standing with his hand braced against the car.

“Hardy, are you alright?” Ellie turned back to look at him.

“I never thought we would get this far. I never thought I would solve this case.” He looked up from the ground to look at Ellie.

Hardy stepped forward and swept Ellie into a tight hug, pressing his face into her shoulder. She was caught off guard momentarily, but soon wrapped her arms tightly around Hardy’s waist and smiled into his shoulder. They had gotten so far. She had finally broken past Hardy’s abuse and neglect and gotten him to open up to being touched.

“Thank you, Ellie. For everything.” He muttered into her shoulder.

“Anytime, Hardy. And the same goes for you.” Hardy pulled back from the hug and kissed Ellie on the forehead before moving past her and seating himself in the passenger seat of her car.

Ellie smiled.


End file.
